Crazy Love?

I am ready Crazy Love by Francis Chan at the moment and I am very convicted. It's weird because I was convicted after reading Radical by David Platt, and I still am, but I guess I am more convicted with this book because they are kind of saying the same things. So I guess hearing it twice is kind of pounding it in my head. But I am confused about how to go about this needed change in my life.

Francis talks about how we serve leftovers to a Holy God. Its so true in so many peoples lives now days, including mine! And reading this book has made me realize that I am not truly loving God to the fullest because my quiet time and prayer is all out of a feeling of guilting into it. Reality is when you "truly" love God you WANT to read His word, and you WANT to talk to Him in prayer. And I am not saying that I don't "like" doing this things...it just sometimes feels like a choir.

Francis also talks a lot about faith! And not just faith as in, "Oh I have faith that the Lord will bring me the perfect husband", or faith that my mail will get to the right house. Faith like Noah had when building the ark! Do you realize he spent over 100 years building the ark? (Francis says he spent 120 years building, I did some google research and there is some controversy so...I say over 100 years!) I had never actually thought about it, but I would have never in a million years guessed it would have been over 100 years! I would have given Noah props if he had just spent 2 years building it! Just think...in the time it took Noah to build the ark, you will have been born and died! Not many people make it to 100 years these days. And all this time Noah is getting mocked. I am pretty sure I would have quit after like day 5! 100 years...thats 36,500 days! And suppose the flood had never come! But Noah had faith...for over 100 years...that the Lord would come though. Francis says, "Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy."

So my first question is, what am I doing in my life that is requiring real faith from me? Nothing! I will be honest with you and say nothing. My life is SO comfortable right now its embarrassing. I would be embarrassed if I were to meet Noah right now. To say I have "faith" would me nothing to him. I am not doing anything that is requiring me I have faith!

But then there is the question of how extreme to I go with my "faith" without being completely stupid. What I mean is, do I give every penny I have to the homeless guy on the corner with "faith" that God will provide more money for gas for my car, or money to pay off my school loans?  I mean read Matthew 25:42-43,45 "I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me...I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." So what do I do with this verse. I am very smart with my money. And it terrifies me that being "smart" and having "faith" cannot go together. Because, Francis talks about 2 Corinthians 8:13-15 "Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: 'He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little'." Paul was asking the Corinthian believers to give to the impoverished saints in Jerusalem. Then there is verses like Luke 12:33 "Sell your possessions and give to the poor." Francis said that after one of the members of his church heard this donated his house to the church and moved in with his parents. Now to be completely honest with you, I think that is totally ridicules! I mean cool that he donated his house and everything but what about the burden it puts on your parents? And surely he didn't have a family. I don't thing any wife out there would be ok with selling her house and moving in with her in-laws! There has got to be some middle ground here. I am just stuck between the giving, giving enough, and giving too much. But is there a too much? Ugh! I want to be doing Gods will in my life. I may sound like I don't right now, but I am just frustrated.

Part of my frustration is because I feel I am at a point in my life to where I can't give anymore than I am. And then in September I am going to go back to school. Part of me says...well, when I am done with school and have a job, then I can give more. And I really feel that is true right now. But am I putting God in a box? Am I not "trusting" Him?

Thats my prayer right now, that God will show me in my life where I can radically trust Him and have crazy love for Him!

I will post a blog with pictures from my touring Rome yesterday, later. I need to make an appearance outside my room haha!

Love you-
Kellie